Now What?

I am entering a stage of life where I kind of feel like I need to put up or shut up.

At least, that is kind of how I feel.

I have a great life.  I have a loving family.  Beautiful wife, adorable kids, a job that is more than a job to me and the people I work with/for (so to speak) accept me, I have all that I need and enough to have some of the bonus items in life.  

Up till this point, I was able to find something else to blame for why things didn’t work out, why I thought things could be better, and carried them out with the attitude of “Well if it were up to me, it would be done better because… .”  

Now, I’ve got nothing.  I have no excuses, it is time to be the husband that I swore I would be, the guy that would never treat his wife like the husbands I had seen displayed before me as a child treated their wives.  It is time for me to be the dad I promised myself I would be and love my kids unconditionally with a nurturing care that a father should provide.  It is time to be the man of integrity when faced with the top of the mountain joys or the bottom of the valley trials.  It is time to be the man of God that I have been called to and carry out the things that I always said I would when I faced resistance.  

I know all of this, I know it is time, I know it is time to man up.

To be honest, I only have one problem.

How?

It isn’t about being a person out of spite.  I think that has been my motivation for too long.  For example, “I will be so much better than so and so, because I refuse to be like them.”  The problem is that my good intentions are rooted in an impure motive.  

How successful can that be?

I am sure that there can be some success, but will you be a more complete person if you reach that goal…or will you be the same spiteful person but in a different location?  

Now that I am here, I am finding it hard to sit back and just live here, reside here, and be comfortable here.  I have found the book, “Abba’s Child” by Brennan Manning has brought me some great insight to living a life that is… basically… lived.  What I mean by that is, focusing on the living of the life and not the struggle to become what you feel will work better, become what others expect you to be, and not letting guilt be the steering wheel in life.  The trials and victories that he has faced has forged a deep understanding that he shares in “Abba’s Child” that would do us all some good to read.

So here I am, recently entering into a new season or stage of life.  It is time for me to live this life, and live in a healthy spiritual manner.  I kind of feel as though I am in this new place and while it is exciting, it is very foreign.  It is kind of like starting a new school or something. There is a lot of mystery and unknowns, but I can't think of a more exciting journey than having God leading me and having a supportive cast that He has placed around me.  I hope and pray the same for you.

Collisions & Caffeine

A little over a month ago I was driving to pick up my daughter from the babysitter.  I was running a little bit early and knew that the sitter wouldn’t be at her house because she was picking up her children from school.  I was at a stop light trying to figure out what I should do to pass the few minutes of time when it hit me…Starbucks!  I whipped out my phone to find the closest purveyor of caffeine.  I found one on the little map and began the short journey.

At least, on the map it seemed short.

I drove by the location it was supposed to be and didn’t see it.  I circled around, and again didn’t see it.  I tried again, and no luck. 

Where is this Starbucks?!?!?

 I was getting a little frustrated (I know, it is hard to believe) at this point because it wasn’t the easiest road to find a place to turn around and get back on the road easily.  I was passing by for my last try and I was sitting at the stop light, stewing a bit.  I happened to look over at the oncoming traffic (noticing that not one of them had coffee) when I observed a sudden stop by a truck beside me.  No big deal, someone just made a quick stop, the driver of the truck saw it and stopped in plenty of time.

The car behind him did not.

There was a small sedan cruising along at a nice clip that somehow missed the stopping of the truck and at the last moment saw that traffic had stop and swerved to miss the truck.  Did I mention I was right beside the truck?  I look up and see this car coming in my direction, there is no time to do much of anything, except continue to look at the rapidly approaching car. 

WHAM!

Somehow, the speeding car catches the back bumper of the truck.  The truck has minor damage, somehow the car looks like it ran into a wall, and the truck wasn’t even a Chevy (like a rock and all, you know.)  Random scraps spray into the air and pelt my little, old car.  I am unscathed, shaken a bit, but all was well.

However, I didn’t really care about Starbucks anymore.

I have coffee at home, after all.

There are a lot of things that go on in life, and for me, I always want to look for the next big thing that God wants to do.  I want to be a part of it, I want to be involved, and if I am honest…I want to be the guy that God chooses to lead it.  So I search with hunger and a near one track mind to see where it is and what it is.  Meanwhile, people are having accidents all around me and their lives are being filled with various trials and struggles.  Their lives are slamming into each other and there are pieces of their life that spatter my life. 

Do I just drive away, thankful that I am unscathed by their tragedy?  Their trials?  Their “stuff?”

Many times I think Christians (generally speaking) are so worked up about being with other believers, protecting the church, assimilating people into people like us, and searching for “Heaven on earth” that we forget that there is life going on all around us.  It isn’t that these things are bad, or shouldn’t be a priority in our life…but do we have the attitude…

“To Hell with you I am looking for Heaven?”

I am not suggesting it is intentional.  I am not suggesting we give up looking for God in the ways I listed above.  I am just suggesting that we look for ways to care, love, and show grace to others intentionally. 

Here is what I think happens when we do…

The search for “Starbucks”, that is, the thing we think we want from God, or the thing we think He should want for us, takes a back seat.  The things that matter to God (people, the lost “sheep”, the poor, prisoner, blind, oppressed) become more real to us, and they begin to matter more to us than the search.  In that we end up finding the thing we were searching for.  

God will reveal His plans to us, and His revealing is not based on how hard we search...but how zealously we truly and actively care about the things that matter to Him.  The Pharisee's were very knowledgeable of God's Word, but they had no love or compassion. 

I was looking for Starbucks, not a car accident.  Are we looking for Heaven and avoiding (intentionally or not) the very people that we are to be loving on and representing Heaven to?  As we love the ones we are sent to, especially in the times of their collisions, Heaven reveals itself.  God opens our eyes and shows us the very thing we were searching for.  We were just searching for it in the wrong place. 

                

Thank You for Your grace.

Buried

           Life has gotten quite busy for us recently.  Our home has become a proverbial race track.  Up in the morning, moving kids around, getting to work, working, coming home, making dinner, going to dance class or back to work, taking care of the normal house things, and the unforeseen matters.  For example, last night I went to do something very routine on my car…

...it took two hours…

…confirming that I am NOT (nor ever will be) a mechanic.

If I told you I was not frustrated last night, would you believe me?

Neither would I.

It is a season in life.  I am ok with that, but I have felt that I was in a dry season spiritually.  I understand that it is ok to have dry seasons in life.  However, I had to wonder, when was it going to end?  I found myself with some small pockets of free time here and there.  When I found these pockets, all I wanted to do was to be a vegetable and relax.  The problem is that I was feeling a longing, not guilt, but a longing to be in a place similar to where I was when I had some of my closer times with God.

I don’t want to go back to those times, but I want to be close again, but how do I do it when I am buried?

                I began to search my schedule.  I began trying to line up my priorities of God and family with what I was doing.  Does the direction I am heading line up with the destination I am hoping for of being close to God, being a good husband, and being a good father (and numerous other things).  From doing this I realized that things cannot remain this way forever.  I understand that it is just a season, but I want to move forward, realizing that there will be bumps and hiccups due to the matters taking place in this season because I don’t want to set unachievable goals.  Unachievable goals just frustrate me and make me less likely to continue and therefore, finish.

                I started praying.  In all honesty, it wasn’t a lot.  It wasn’t some sit down, hour’s long, weeping, kneeling, and pensive prayer time.  It was every time I thought about it.  I was troubled about it (more than I probably should have been because I over think things).  It came to me, I believe spoken to me, that there was a story in the Scripture that related to this.

                In Matthew 25 there is a story of a wealthy man that gave bags of gold (talents) to some of his workers.  Those who were the good workers took what was given them and made more.  One of the workers buried the money and used the excuse that he was afraid to do much else with it because he didn’t want to lose the wealthy man’s money.

                The story speaks of the sod of the earth as the thing that buries the gold, I began to wonder what is it that I allow to bury me in this life.  What are the meaningless things, in the midst of the important things, that I allow to cover me over and not be useful?  In some cases we will be busy with very important things.  I wanted to be sure to address that possibility.  In my case, in the midst of the important things, God began to reveal some things that I had in my schedule that had a higher priority than necessary.

                This is not an exact science, it is a journey and one that we should try our best to enjoy.  This journey is a gift.  It is the treasure that God has given me to care for.  I don’t want to bury it in dirt, or any other worthless thing.  I want to invest it in things that will bring glory to God, show His love to my family, my friends, and really anyone I come in contact with.  My Intentions may be great, but is the way I am living my life pointing me in the direction of that goal?  Or do I continue to intend to do well, but nothing about my life changes.

                Once again, this is not an exact science.  However, it is an important matter (that I have found personally) if we want to be the people that accomplish the life that God has set for us.  If we want to be the best parent we can, the best spouse, the disciple, the friend, co-worker or whatever.

Don’t get buried.  Your life is a treasure and should be lived as such.  Let the things of less worth go and chase after the important things that will add to this treasure that has been entrusted to your care. 

Story: Restored Connection (pt7)

(What you are about to read is a selection from a retreat I spoke about a year ago.  It is a continuation from Part 1 (The Dawn of Creation), Part 2 (The Separation) ,  Part 3 (The Desperation), Part 4 (The Ability to Connect),  Part 5 (The Reconnect), and Part 6 (the Deeper Connection). It is based on the discussion of our connection with God and comes from Galatians 5)

This connection comes from our understanding our brokenness, understanding the crisis that we come to without God’s Spirit working in us. Seeking a trip to Heaven as the total Christian experience is shallow and ineffective. It is unfulfilling, unfruitful, and disheartening. There is no power in a Christian life that has no connection. When we come to a place of understanding how ineffective it is for us to try to live this Christian life on our own abilities, the better. 

However, what does a life look like that is connected, a life that understands…truly understands, God is doing the work through us? This is where we see the power, the change, and the true connection. This is where we see victory; this is where we find the beauty in God’s plan because He reveals it to us. He reveals it to us, because we understand He must do it. This is where we begin to learn and see how powerful trusting God is, this is the place where we see faith come alive and realize there is so much depth to what faith is. This is where we see a glimpse of the life that God wants for us.

This connected lifestyle is where we feel the presence of God surrounding us, and even though we go through tough times, we truly feel that He is there; because He is, but now we experience it. This is the place where your relationship with God is not just positional but experiential, this is the place where you don’t just call yourself a Christian, you are living with God living through you…you experience Him in your life. With this is great power.

Imagine approximately one hundred and twenty people experiencing this power, which is the number of followers Christ left behind, and from that the world has known of Christ for centuries. What could He do with thirty people in our area? I don’t want to become cliché, but what if thirty peoples heart broke for what breaks God’s heart? They banded together to be the change? What would that look like? What if we lived our life as a sermon to those around us, not by the neat ideas we could come up with but we lived our lives connected to God’s Spirit and let Him live the life through us? 

What would a group believers look like that came together realizing, I mean really realizing, that if God wanted to, He could change the world through them. Do you believe that? The world? Nothing is impossible with God. What if we were hungry for that? I imagine, a group of students that had this hungry, God led desire, could do so much damage to mediocrity and all that the enemy tries to attack us with that we would see lives changed by the hundreds, dare I say thousands? Millions? Who knows, but do we really believe that God, through a connected life could do that?

I have resolved to do continually work towards this connection. I believe God can take me, and all my mess, and blow my mind as I continually seek to be connected and live my life given to Him. I believe that is what he wants from you. I believe He wants to be connected to you, work through you, for His glory. I believe He would love to blow your mind with all that he has planned for you. I believe He wants you to not live your Christian life by the pre-conceived notions, but He wants you to allow Him to live His life through you. 

I believe In God’s power, and I believe in God’s power through you.

When the connection that God intended to have with mankind is restored in a person’s life, look out, because there is no telling what God might do through them.

That, my friend is so exciting…I don’t have human words for it.

Story: The Deeper Connection (pt.6)

(What you are about to read is a selection from a retreat I spoke about a year ago.  It is a continuation from Part 1 (The Dawn of Creation), Part 2 (The Separation) ,  Part 3 (The Desperation), Part 4 (The Ability to Connect), and Part 5 (The Reconnect). It is based on the discussion of our connection with God and comes from Romans 8:1-17)

Here is where the beauty comes in. Thus far we have been discussing in these chapters, matters that discuss this connection between God and others, but He also wants you. It may not seem that way, but He does. I understand this may all seem somewhat foreign to you, this connection that we have been talking about is still happening. The Spirit of God, the almighty God, the loving Creator, the One who sacrificed of Himself to break the barrier, the One who broke Himself to heal our brokenness.

This is for available for all, but we must realize, it is for us, it is for you…you.

He wants you to want Him. He wants you to want to hear from Him. He wants you to want to connect with Him. There is nothing you can make happen or conjure up, just be open. Realize that He has so much that He wants to share with you. How He feels about you, He wants to direct you in the matters you are confused, He wants to show you so much in His Word, in His creation…by His Spirit. He wants to be with you. Just like I mentioned before, we often make God out to be someone “out there” we may not say that but we feel it. We must ask Him to reveal to us that He is here and now, and realize, despite how we feel that He IS here!

This is contrary to how we communicate in our version of normal. We communicate in ways that are very material and we expect concrete response. When we talk face to face we physically see people, when we text or type on a website we see the letters of response, even if we talk on the phone we hears audibly a physical response. With God, it isn’t physical necessarily, it is spiritual. It may connect with us in an emotional way, in a connection with our conscious, in a motivation, and in ways that are absolutely unexplainable. It is a God thing that we will never fully understand.

That is the beauty of this connection.

How do we do it? How do we connect? I cannot give you an exact answer because it works differently for everyone as we are individuals. I know we must search for Him, and not in a way that is based on how good of a person we are. We must search for Him in a way where the desperation meets a hungry search because we understand in that desperation how depraved and broken we are. If we have no understanding of our brokenness, we risk the ability to connect. Why? Because if we don’t understand how broken we are, we are being prideful in thinking we are doing fine on our own.

God resists that…

…but, God loves a humble person. If we are selfish enough to believe that we don’t really need this connection because we said a prayer so we are going to Heaven and really that is all we care about…we have completely missed it. Heaven is the byproduct of this journey, not the motivation. The motivation is to be reconnected with our Creator and letting Him use us to glorify Himself through us.

Heaven is not the motivation…it is the byproduct, it isn’t the point of a Christian life…it is the outcome. This is a concept that is lost on many of those who call themselves believers. Instead of asking, “If you were to die tonight, would you know where you would go (heaven or hell)?” Maybe we should be asking, “If you knew you had 20 years to live, what life would you live?” Christ said to “Follow Me,” He didn’t say, “Pray this prayer so you can get in!” He wants us to connect, live life with Him, let Him bring us to a place where we can live life to the fullest as He planned for us to.

We let Him have…us. We seek the connection. We long for the chance to glorify Him. We prepare by continually drawing closer to God by letting go of self. This life isn’t about us, it is about connecting to Him because we believe that is His desire and the design He has for us. We let God be our personal God, not just the “out there” God who is punching our get out of hell free cards. Let Him connect; lay your life open before Him. We often try to pull off the “Adam and Eve hiding in the trees” bit, but we have to remember, they were hiding because they had lost the connection.

Over to you…

1. What is the best way for you…you personally…to connect to God

2. What is your biggest hindrance?

3. Are you willing to hear things from God that are scary? That may cause you to have to change things in your life that are important? Are you sure?

Snipping Insecurity

“I lay on the floor listening to my daughter wailing in her crib and thought to myself, I just wish that she felt safe and secure.”

            Arianna recently had a small procedure done to snip her tongue because she was tongue tied a bit and we (my wife and I) felt that there may be some speech issues that would arise from her being tongue tied.  Denise (my wife) scheduled a time for the procedure and we went forward with it.  We never like the thought of our daughter going through something that may cause her any form of discomfort in any way, but we believed (and still do) it is for her best.

            If you know Arianna, you know that she is pretty laid back, funny, almost always walking with a smile on her face, and loves to joke around even at her young age (2).  So we went to Children’s hospital and she was her normal, easy going self.  So much so that the nurses asked us more than once if she was always like this because she was so nonchalant about everything going on.  She recovered quickly, and was ready to go home after the procedure and eat.  

Arianna, as she waits for her procedure at the hospital.

            We came home…and there is a point here, I promise…she ate and went down for a nap.  She slept for quite a while, as expected, and woke up crying.  Actually, it was a bit more of a wail.  Denise checked her temperature and it was a whopping 105.  

Queue the freak out.

We carried out the normal fever reducing measures, and called the doctor.  Nothing to be too alarmed about but keep monitoring as the fever teetered between 99 and 103.  We went to the pediatrician within the next few days and continued our home care, and she slowly began to become less “funky.”  

However, there was…and to a point still is…an issue.  

She was scared to go to sleep.

At least that is what I think.

She went to sleep and woke up and her tongue hurt.

Then she went to sleep and woke up with a fever and felt miserable.

She knew something happened when she went to sleep.

So, going to bed became a fight for the first time in my daughter’s life.  She is the easiest child I know of, so this was so foreign.  We would put her in bed and she would scream and toss and jump and everything a child can do to stay awake and get our attention.  So we tried to teach her the word “safe.”  For some reason, it is very difficult to describe what it means to be safe to a two year old.  

My wife and I held her in her room for a while and laid on the floor with her, then we moved her to her crib as we lay on the floor and this is when she began to cry because she wanted the security of being with us.  

I lay on the floor listening to my daughter wailing in her crib and thought to myself, I just wish that she felt safe and secure.  I wish she knew that she could trust me to protect her.  I wish I could somehow communicate with her.  

And it dawned on me, in the midst of the chaos, the crying, the shrieks of “Daddy!” that this must be very similar to how God feels when I am here crying, screaming, and writhing in the midst of some trial and feeling like He isn’t there or just doesn’t care.  

I have a decent vocabulary of words that I can use, but many of those words (especially those that describe safety) are lost on a two year old version of vocabulary.  How much greater is God’s communication to my limited understanding?

I was within seconds of being in Arianna’s presence when she was in her crib and I was in the other room, but to her, I might as well have been a million miles away because she didn’t see me.  Ever feel that way with God?  

Why won’t you respond?  Maybe He is and we have to trust that He is in His omniscient way.  I could allow my daughter to have everything she wants done her way and I could be her whipped servant, but that isn’t what is best for her.  She doesn’t understand that and gets frustrated with me at times, but, as a father I know what is better for her and am ok with the anger she has towards me because I know it will be what is best for her in the long run.

God is similar, only in a much greater scale.  Do I trust Him though?  Do I rest in the safety of knowing that He has me?  Can I relax and let go of situations that I do not understand?  Or am I the child screaming at Him because I want what I want because I am afraid, hurt, and not understanding what God is doing?  

I hate the fact that my daughter suffered, but I love the fact that she loves me and smiles when I come home and runs to me saying, “Daddy!”  God does too.  Look for the lessons, they seem to be abounding all around.