Wednesday, June 29, 2011


I have had a couple of instances where I have had to take some time to recover.  I think the first time I gave blood was the first time I remember that I needed to slow down for a few…minutes at least.  I remember thinking I was fine, I stood up, and my swimming head told me that I was not fine and should sit for a few more minutes.  I am, by nature, impatient, so I often tend to rush the recovery process.  I remember sitting at the table with a basket of Little Debbie snacks in front of me, feeling fine as long as I sat, but just wanting to leave.

Another time was after my knee surgery.  I had recently blown out just about everything but the kitchens sink in my right knee.  I had my surgery and decided I would “try it out” as soon as I got home.  My wife was horrified when she walked in and I was limping around.  That was a trying few weeks as I recovered, I was frustrated and irritable.  I needed to occupy my time somehow, so that is when I decided to learn guitar.
 Another time was after I had my wisdom teeth removed.  I had come out of sedation and this small of stature woman said she would be the woman helping me to go get my x-rays and to the recovery room.  I am 6’2” and weigh in between 200-210, this lady was every bit of 5’1” and about a buck twenty-five in concrete shoes.  She told me she would be helping me as I was working my way out of the chair and I began to chuckle.

Bonus:  Don’t try to chuckle after coming out of sedation for mouth surgery.  You don’t feel it, but it makes you look like a moron.  

I began “doing it myself” and just occasionally leaning against the wall.  She was trying to balance me when my already “witty” mind merged with coming off the drugs and I blurted out, “You know, if I fell, I would probably crush you.”  She laughed, and I knew better than to try to chuckle again but offered a smile.  I went into the recovery room after the x-rays and tried to lay down much to the chagrin of the nurse and my wife. 
I was like a man possessed to get a nap.

They were having nothing of it.  

I finally got to go home and sleep…rest…recover.

So what are you getting at Adam?

I have recently gone through some, to me, highly stressful matters.  To some on the outside looking in, they may not see the impact it has had on me.  The process (which was mostly using my mental capacity, as limited as they are) caused and causes me still a few weeks later, to be physically tired.  This fact bothers me and confounds me in my impatience.  I am coming to the realization that I need to recover again.  

This goes against my “ever pressing forward” mentality.

Recovery seems…wrong.

Why is that?

Rest is a very Biblical principle.  For me, rest is an occasional nap, but what if it should be more?  What if I am actually supposed to shut down for a time?  There are many in the Jewish culture that take the Sabbath principle so literal that they won’t even drive and only go to the synagogue and back home on the Sabbath.

 I just want a nap.

Maybe I don’t get this concept so well.  I think there is a lot that plays into my natural aversion to rest and recovery.  I have worked hard for a long time to be where I am (of course God has provided so that is the main reason for being where I am).  I want things to be “just so” and do all I can in my power for that to happen.  When I work, I do take time to slow down a bit, but is that really, truly rest?  

For some reason, it consumes my mind more to think of what I need to get done than the thought that it is fine if it doesn’t.  My wife tries her best to look out for me and tell me I need to slow down, and I hear her as I fly by to do something else.  My mind is racing towards the next thing that needs to be done.

How does one rest and recover?  When does rest turn into laziness?  Maybe I am more afraid of being lazy than resting…

I know this is very objective and case by case… but this is one of those things I wrestle with in my mind.  I know, and have planned, for some time of recovery soon.  I have realized that to really shut down, I have to go away.  If I stay at home there is always something to do, at work…well…yeah, it is work after all.  How do you do it?  What works for you?  I find that if I rest and recover…I like to eat too much as well, are food and recovery tied together at all?

I’m losing focus.

The point is, I know recovery is necessary, but I don’t do it well.  How about you?  How do you rest and recover?  How do you take the necessary time to shut down?  I like being busy…too much…I have also found in my busy-ness that I don’t have to think, self reflect, search out the things that need to be worked on in me, listen to God (deeply), and just get quiet.  

Maybe being busy is an excuse, a coping mechanism, and a deferral of all the “stuff” in me I don’t want to deal with.  

Maybe, just like all those times I mentioned before when I needed to be patient and time to recover, I need to be patient and take time to recover spiritually, mentally, and maybe even emotionally.  I fight with the status quo thought that resting in those ways comes across as physically lazy.  Therein lies my paradox.  

Why do I have to be so difficult?  I know God wants me to rest, why do I fight so hard against it?

Enough for today…

1 comment:

Zach Lyons said...

so true. especially about being busy.