Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A Prayer


                I don’t really know what to do.  Before I go there, let me stop and think of Your majesty.  You are the perfect architect with perfect plans that can only be laid out by an all sovereign Creator.  While I can’t understand the grandness of all that You are, but it is of great joy that I can rest in those perfect plans that you have drawn up.  I find myself often lost in the midst of that thought…that You are THAT big.  You are…that…involved.  My thoughts dart back and forth from this stressful matter to another task that “must” be done and I barely give you a second thought.  So, as I stress about events that You are fully in control of…


…what runs through Your mind, my sovereign friend?

I can only imagine as You sit above all things, ruling them, controlling them, and doing so without a fright that You may lose control somehow, that you hear me in the midst of my cries and think, “Oh, how I have longed to draw you close to me child, but you are not willing.”  When I think of this, I feel an overwhelming shame…but you don’t want my shame, You already took care of that. 

You want my heart.

Am I willing to give it?  Really?  Am I willing to give You my heart beyond lip service?  Am I willing to actually buy into who You say You are?  It is funny, as I stop to hear myself talk, I have already turned this into a conversation about me.  Why do I so easily do this?  If I really focused on You, wouldn’t the me problems become strangely dim?  You are worth my focus.  You are more than worth it.  Help me to stop looking at myself.  Help me to stop seeing trials before I see You, to stop seeing issues, stresses, temptations, situations, mountains, giants, or any other hopeless thing…before I see…You.

Reveal Yourself to me.  I beg of You.  Let me see You.  Let me know You in a way only You can show.  Please.  I don’t want to rely on what others say about You, I want to experience You.  Please.  Let Your Word come to life.  I pray that your breath would breathe into me.  That Your Spirit would intertwine with mine and give it life that would burst within me.  I need that.  Show me this world as You see it.  Reveal to me the Kingdom, and how You would use me in it.  

Let me not stumble in the snares I fall easily into.  My pride.  My selfishness.  My many shortcomings that are too great to list.  Let me be humble, I know it is what You want.  You draw near to the humble, and that is where I want to be.  I pray for wisdom.  I seem to run by it so quickly.  In my rush to the next situation, I seldom stop to seek Your counsel.  Let me not resist in turning my everything over to You, rather, let me be receptive to Your plans.  

Teach me to rest easily in the plans You have and not be so worried and concerned that I may somehow obstruct the All-Powerful’s plans.  Let my hopes rest squarely upon You and show me that they are not mine to force.  You have created me, the plans You have for my life, and the journey in which all that would come together before time even began…I should surely be able to rest in that.

I began my prayer with an issue that weighed heavily on my heart, but after talking with you my Sovereign Friend, and realizing …rather, after Your revealing, my problem is not the problem.  My problem is my disjointed focus on the things that You already have well in hand.  My problem seems small in comparing it to You, when You are in the right perspective.

Let me follow Your standards, and not the standards which men may try to put upon me.  I pray that Your path is the one I follow, not my own, or that of another.  I thank You for the past miracles in my life, the places that You have brought me from, the unspeakable amount of grace You have shown.  Sadly, I ask for even more as I walk through this life.  Maybe not sadly, You have always given it so freely.  Thank You for Your grace, my Father.  I do not deserve a bit of it.  Thank You for everything.                                                                               

                                                                                                     A Prodigal Son

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Choice wins! (...and loses.)

(Today's entry is more of me thinking out loud than anything.  I apologize that there is no real finality to the process of thought.  My hope is that it will get you thinking as well.)
It seems like it happens almost every day.  

“What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t care…whatever you want.”

“I don’t care either that is why I asked.”

“I really just don’t care.  Whatever is easiest for you.”

So goes the dance of deciding…

…what shall we eat for dinner?

Choices run through my mind of different things to make.  Things I enjoy that others may not, things they enjoy that I do not, what have I made 3 times in the past 2 weeks, and what was that one meal I made that everyone enjoyed last month?  Not to mention, what is cheap, but healthy?

Choices are all around us. 

Some carry a heavy weight (no, not in a food kind of way), and some are simple (what’s for dinner?). 

 Either way, choice wins. 

Something based on what we have available causes us to come to a decision on our choices, and that 
decision has won our pick or choice.  Our choice has won. 

Those choices can also lose.

We can make the wrong decision.  Our affections can cause us to make the wrong choice.  Even though the choice won our affection, thus winning, it can be the wrong decision, thus losing.

Not a big deal if it is meatloaf.

A huge deal if it is family…



To muddy the water further, it is actually possible to make the correct choice overall but make some incorrect choices within the main choice.  This is where we find luke-warmness, tepidity if you will, in life, love, family, and belief. 

So in review, choice wins our decision.  Our decision may be wrong or right.  Even if our decision is correct, there can be incorrect decisions made after that, which could be incorrect.

Think of it as a path.  You may start off the journey on the path making the right decision to turn right, but then there is another turn, and another, and another.  Can we make the correct decision every time?  Is there a map?  Even with a map, I would surely make a poor decision somewhere along the journey.

No matter how my mind is made up on the choice I have made, I might be wrong, and certainly, somewhere in the midst of this journey of life, I will be wrong. 

Newsflash:  This just in, I will mess up in my life.

I will mess up in my marriage…

…my job…


…and even in what I believe.

What happens when I find out I have made a poor decision?

What happens when the Chicken Parmesan turns into something more like Chicken jerky?

Usually, you are presented with another choice.

The hope is that there is grace from those that are affected by the decision.

Is there ever a time when…well, there isn’t more time to make a decision?

Therein lays a recent debate…

…and actually…another choice.
If there is always time to make a choice, and sooner or later you will make the right choice…is that really a choice?

I mean, sooner or later you will come to this understanding…it doesn’t feel much like choice.

It kind of feels like even if I resist, I must end up making Spaghetti. 

What would that look like for our beliefs?

If love wins, is it forced?

A “you’ll love me or I will make you love me?”

Choice wins…and loses.