I have this weird thing I do when someone asks me a question that I do not have the answer to, I tell them, “I dunno.” The funny part is that it actually sounds more like, “ I-Uhh-no” which has become a running joke at work, others mimic it in jest and we all have a good laugh at my pseudo teenage/hillbilly vocabulary.
The problem is…
I really don’t know what to do.
It is a sad state of affairs really. I have recently been convicted that there needs to be more done in my community to reach out to those who have never known, felt, or experienced the love of God. They may have heard messages from someone behind a pulpit at one point in their lives, or have heard some form of God’s love on television, but have they truly experienced that love. The same kind of love that led Jesus to go outside the city to be with the crippled and sick, the same kind of love that led Christ to go outside the normal comfort zone of His time and spend time with those much different than Himself.
I want to do that.
I am realizing I have no clue HOW to do that.
My biggest fight is my schedule. Sure there is the want to, the motivation, the drive to make it happen mixed in there as well, but I feel as though I am so busy just about every day of my life that I don’t know how to make time to love on the unloved.
I think that is some sort of sickness.
When I do have any time, I am so tired or run down that I just need time to relax…and I understand there is nothing wrong with that, but I just want more.
I guess what it comes down to is, when I leave this earth I don’t want the best thing that can be said about me is that I preached a good sermon, or was a sweet or kind person, or I was really good at my job. Those things are great, but not the whole of what I want. I want lives to be changed because of what God does through me, and it isn’t that He isn’t doing that, but I think He wants to do more. The question is… will I let Him? Or will I continue to flail about in the way that I know because I am too afraid of taking (what I perceive as) a chance.
Busy-ness is not the legacy I want to leave behind.
I want to leave a legacy of love that spreads.
We have the opportunity to leave a legacy that is very temporary and will fade in a short amount of time, or we can continue to be a part of a legacy that is eternal. I guess I have just been evaluating where I am on that scale and see that I want to leave more behind.
I am sure some of you reading out there may read this and have all sorts of holes to blast through this. For example, it isn’t your job to save the world! I know, but I can’t shake this feeling and I am asking for prayer, clarity, and really…just felt the need to get it out there.
I think this reveals a lot about where we are as a church culture, and about my own personal spirituality. Why is this such a hard thing? Why doesn't this come naturally?
All that to say, welcome to my current wrestling match. Thoughts?