Uninhibited (pt.3) "Confessions"

(The following selection is a continuation from the "Uninhibited" series (Here is Part 1 and Part 2)

Have you ever talked about something with a friend and given them some advice, and then shortly after you give someone advice you run into a similar issue yourself?  You may walk away with a slew of different feelings…

…Pride that you have given great advice…

…Hope that they will listen and there will be change…

… Fear, because the situation seems bleak despite your advice…

…Maybe even humility because you understand the weight of your words upon someone else…

…it could be a combination or anywhere in between these feelings.

That’s where I am.

I am right there.

I write various things on my blog in the hopes that there may be a few people out there that enjoy it and maybe it will even help.  I enjoy writing, and it helps me process through a lot of the meanderings of my mind.  Recently, I have been diving into living an uninhibited spiritual life.  On the surface, I probably seem pretty free.  A layer or two beneath the surface, many other may still see freedom.  However, I am discovering, as I peddle my piety, that at my core I am sick with the bondage of what I can’t do.

                Let me try to explain.  I often talk myself out of taking risks because it doesn’t make the most rational sense.  I do this out of fear, pride, and self gratification.  It is scary to do something that is risky.  I might fail and lose face.  So the easiest thing for me to do is to stay put, and it helps when I have my “yes men” around me to agree and pat me on the back with an “atta boy!”  (Many time the “yes men” are people who genuinely care for you but are more focused on the material end of things than any of us should be…but that “yes” sure feels good, doesn’t it?)

But is that what God wants?

Noah.

Hosea.

Jeremiah.

Moses.

Enough said.

                So what is it that hinders me?  I had a very real conversation with a friend yesterday.  What I mean by that is, he asked me questions and I didn’t try to look good with my answers.  It was real.  It was honest.  It was maddeningly reflective. 

He would ask, “Why not?”

I would honestly answer, “Because I am afraid…” or “…I am proud…” or “…my ego is too big…” or “I just don’t want to, really.”

Inhibited.

                The very matter that I know I should handle differently, the very matter that I write about on here…I find myself wrestling with in a way that is frustrating.  

And yet, I am loved.

He knew my struggles before I had them.  He knew I wouldn’t get it.  He knew how very short I fall.

His grace is surely enough.

Here is the point, No man has everything mastered.  In the matter of being uninhibited spiritually and walking in the freedom that we should be striving for, I have not run into one person who (if they are honest with themselves) can say they are fully free.  Those who are honest with themselves will admit that there is something that holds them back.  

So what do we do with that?

                We continue to explore the wonders of our God, facing the fears, pride, and ego with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and challenging those things that rise up inside of us telling us that we can’t.  The human spirit is a wonderful thing when it challenges those things that cause it to fear.  When the human spirit connects with the plans of God’s Spirit and is empowered by Him there is nothing that can inhibit.  That is where I want to be.  I am a lot closer than I used to be.  I am free enough to admit my short comings, I am confident that God can transform me to that place.  Letting go with the understanding that attaining true freedom comes solely from God and I have no ability to become free myself.

                I am freer than I ever have been, and I cannot go back, but I also cannot stay.  I must search for the things I cling to in the darkest recesses of my “self” and let them go.  From one person suffering from this sickness to others suffering as well, I have felt the beginnings of this healing, of this freedom, and I encourage you to start/continue down this path.  Take inventory of your heart.  What needs to be let go of?  What needs to be thrown overboard?  What is it that inhibits you from chasing hard after God?

God is bigger than whatever it is.

“The sickness of having an inhibited view of God cripples the church from being the Bride she was always meant to be.  She becomes a bride afraid to walk down the aisle because she fears everything that could go wrong.  She may trip on the way, she may mess up the word of her vows, she may sneeze, her Groom may someday leave her, He may not like her cooking, etc..  What she forgets is that her loving Groom knows all of her faults, loves her, and cannot wait for her to get down the aisle and begin the union that He has planned for all of eternity.”