Thursday, December 22, 2011

Uninhibited (pt.1)

Honestly, this is just something I thought about the other day…and decided to try to put it down on “Paper.”  As I began to write it out, there is so much more to this, but here are some beginning thoughts and I would love to hear back from you…

What does it mean to be uninhibited?  

I often sit and think of my short comings.  I don’t know if it is normal to do so, but it is a practice that I have been blessed to do fairly continually.  I don’t beat myself up too badly, usually, but try to become more aware of when I make mistakes so that I can better handle them in the future.  This has helped me with my temper, impulse reactions, response to questions in meeting, and many other areas in life such as parenting, resolving issues at home, at work, and friendships.  

Here is what I have found about myself…

…I am very inhibited.

What I mean is, there are a lot of matters that I have experienced in my life that have caused me to react poorly in various situations.  I do not handle them properly or well at all, my experiences (or lack thereof) inhibit me from reacting well.  

I want to be uninhibited, that is have nothing that holds me back from handling situations properly, so I look for ways to continually improve myself to become the person that can move and act freely in just about any situation in life.  

Because of this, and my earnest desire to become uninhibited, I have grown.

I have found, not many Christians reside in an uninhibited place spiritually…

…and with all of my advancements, neither do I.

However, I am realizing a tenacious hunger to do so.

I relish in the thought of freedom to go or do whatever God calls someone to.  It seems glorious to be called to Africa or South America.  It seems amazing to me as I read Acts, that people just sold property and gave all the money to the church.  What is this peace that a person has when they lose someone so very close to them?  

When I see these situations unfold before me, it is unreal and yet I long to be like that.

I am blessed.

Maybe I am too blessed.

I am happily married to a beautiful woman who is blessed with a wonderful job.  We have been blessed with two beautiful children.  I have a job I enjoy.  I have a nice cozy little house, cars, a family that loves me to death, and a partridge in a pear tree.

So, why would I want anything else?

I have more than my parents ever did when I was growing up.  I have more than I ever dreamed possible when I was young.  

On top of it all, I am healthy.


…I am inhibited spiritually.

I am scared.

I fear losing any part of this wonderful life because it is so wonderful, even though God tells me that if He tells me to give it up…it will be worth it.  I fear that I will upset the perfect balance of this blessed life, even though I know (kind of) that He is the one who has given all of it to me.

I wonder, even if I was uninhibited in these matters…what would it be that inhibits me?

In its simplest form it is the raising of hands during music at church because of what people may think…or at least the uncomfortable feeling of wondering if I have pit stains.

It is not saying anything, even though maybe I should, because I may not be able to say it in a way that is just right.

It is not helping someone, because I have something else to do that “must” get done.

It is…so…many…things.

There is always something.  It isn’t anyone else's fault.  This is mine to carry.  

And…there is only One who can set me free from this.

So, maybe that is what I want for Christmas…

…to be uninhibited spiritually…to walk along that journey and know that I am growing in it, and to lead others to do the same? 


Anonymous said...

Oh, well done. I love the word choice for "uninhibited" and the way you fleshed this out. The more I read, the more I realized, "This is what I want too." Excellent.

Also, the "and a partridge in a pear tree" was genius. Thanks!

Adam said...

Thanks Ethan, I am really wrestling with this...because I want it, am am slowly walking down the pathway. Brennan Manning's "Abba's Child" has been helpful in the wrestling match.