I, by nature, am not a patient person. I have mentioned this before in various avenues. If I get motivated, I work quickly to get things done. Different things motivate me at different times, some things make me procrastinate. I want to be the car in the front when I am driving, even when it isn’t necessary, I want to get everything done so I can relax. If someone is acting foolishly, by nature I want to tell them what I think initially instead of acting in compassion. When I get this way, I realize that I am not sure if I can live up to my own standards at times.
I am also impatient when I feel God has called me to do something and yet, I feel like I am just sitting around and nothing is getting accomplished. I plead, whine, moan, complain, and act like a child throwing a spiritual hissy fit at times.
Did I ever mention how thankful I am for God’s patience with His complaint prone children?
I was talking with God yesterday, and out of nowhere I thought about wine. Maybe it was because I realized I was whining, I don’t know, but the shift of thought happened in my mind. What makes wine wine? It is basically grape juice unless, you give it time. Sure, there are some other steps in the process, but basically, it is when the grape juice begins to break down and ferment. As this process goes on wine goes from being grape juice, to something not so very enjoyable, to wine, and if waited on even longer you may possibly have a very good wine.
I pray and plead with God, I want to do something special, I want to accomplish a lot of things to glorify Him. I am sickened at the thought of sex trafficking and want to do something to save those who are trapped in it. I am appalled at the thought of a billion people in this world live without drinking water; I want to be a catalyst to see that changed. I lose sleep over the thought of people living in trash dumps in South America, I want to give them the hope that I have been given through Christ. AIDS in Africa, starvation worldwide, the list could go on and on, I want to be used to do something about it…but what?
I sit back and ask God to plug me in, and He does, but it isn’t always how I want it to be and it certainly isn’t up to my speed. I know God will use me in these matters, but maybe I am just grape juice. Maybe I need some time to let His Spirit ferment me into something beautiful and more usable. Maybe I am in the process between where things are breaking down in me and someday I will be the wine that He wants me to be, that He is in the process of turning me into.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time."
A friend of mine posted this as their status on facebook, it comes from the book of Ecclesiastes, and they posted it yesterday as well. Maybe it isn’t just me He is fermenting, maybe there is a movement. God isn’t in the business of making junk wine either, when He makes wine it is the best, but am I open to Him doing that in me? Am I willing to let go of myself and let Him do the work or am I so self absorbed that I want to rush this delicate process and lessen what He wants to do through me? Maybe this spiritual fermentation is something more of us should be searching for instead of trying to work this process ourselves.