After a long hiatus, I have returned.
I have continued my thinking on various matters…but have lacked the time to formulate it all on paper, or rather…screen.
Recently I have had to do some self evaluation. I have shared on various accounts in various ways that I often strive to, for lack of better words, “Do better.” I always want to see more accomplished, I have a plan or believe I hear the voice of God leading me in a direction and I do not walk or ponder on the matter, I just take off in a dead sprint. This often leaves me in a quandary because I get to the place where I can go no further in that moment and I am frustrated. I frequently believe I find out the reason why I can go no further and it is seldom my fault, rather someone else isn’t working fast enough or just doesn’t care enough. “I guess I will just have to deal with it” I tell myself, “You know if it were all up to me, Lord, it would be taken care of. I will just sit here and wait for the next thing.”
And shortly, off I go on another crusade.
The crusades were based on pride, cutting down innocents on the path for glory. Not the glory of God, which was the banner they flew under, but the glory of man. Many of us know this and can easily scoff at the thought of the crusades, and yet how many of us have our own personal crusades that we take off on? How much to we consult God in the matters of life? I believe we can come to an understanding that God was not consulted in the crusades, so do we consult God with our personal crusades?
I have found that my sprinting to get to what I see God doing in my life has fueled an already prideful heart. I have found that God has gracefully shown me some of the work He has for me, but He alone can prepare my heart and the way to fulfill what He has shown.
Maybe I have matters that need reconciled in my heart.
Maybe there are matters that I believed were taken care of, but like a child who has been told to brush their teeth before they go outside to play, the job was rushed and carried out in a poor fashion leaving my heart a bit cleaner but not properly dealt with. I then try to force and carry my ill cleaned heart forward into God’s plans for me when the remaining filth has no place in His plans for me. Maybe it is time for me to go back and deal with the hurts, pains, and the mess that I so quickly tried to sweep under the carpet.
I am the child that has hastily cleaned their room by sweeping things under the bed, under the carpet, and into the closets and run outside to meet my friends to play. The problem is that while I am running to enjoy the time that every child should enjoy, I have been called back to really clean my room as I should have in the first place. The time is there for me to enjoy, but I can only fully enjoy it if I take care of the cleaning in the proper fashion. If I do not clean my room properly, I will be limited in my time.
The funny thing about children hiding things from their parents is that parents seem to find out. We have it rough because we have an all knowing “Parent.” It is no use to try and run, it is no use trying to hide. Live a transparent life, and if we are inadvertently hiding something ask Him to reveal it…
…and mean it.
If we approach in humility and in brokenness, recognizing this amazing God is willing to take time to talk and love on us; He will meet us and reveal the mess that we have (possibly) unintentionally hidden in our hearts.
I have been called in from running.
It is time to reassess and clean my room, my heart to be better prepared for whatever it is that God will lead me to do in the future.
Next: Finger Pointing Fatality