Adam the Adolescent

I have been reading a book called The Emotionally Healthy Church, a book that is much better than the name initially dictates, at least in my opinion.  I was given the book to read by a friend and decided to start in on it.  The book immediately started hitting some harmonizing chords with many of my thoughts.  Of course, this drew me in further, and then, as most evaluating books, there was a quiz to see where you stand.  

That was revealing.

When I tallied my score and then checked the paragraph long evaluation of my score I was in disbelief.  The description that was before me was…me.  It described me, my strengths, my weakness, my struggles, just about everything.  While I didn’t like the title of my description, I couldn’t deny it.

“Emotional Adolescent” 

I go into quizzes and evaluations with such high hopes and still come out the adolescent.  I was hoping to come out the ‘Emotional Superman” (That wasn’t an option for the results BTW).  I knew there were some emotional holes and things that I struggle with, but an adolescent?  Those who know me know that I do struggle with being mature on a consistent basis, but for the most part I am mature at the proper times.  This is what has led me on my recent time of self reflection.  

Through this digging I have had to admit to things that have hurt me from my past that I had buried and counted it “done” on my checklist of life.  I have had to look at different areas of my life and find the characteristics that are “adolescent” and explore why I am that way.  I don’t like some of what I have found. 

I have more pride in my life than I like to admit…or own up to.

This isn’t to say I lose who I am, my sense of humor, my wit (which I know you were all worried about), my personality.  I just make sure that I don’t continue to make an excuse for the things that should be rectified in my life.  I have already seen change, not by my ability.  To be honest, the only way to see the matters that need changed in our lives (especially when you have buried them as deep as I have) is to pray that God would reveal the places where change is needed.  It is an interesting experience when He begins that work in you.

It may happen when you are driving behind what you believe to be the biggest moron in the world.  

It may happen when you see a muddy footprint on your freshly mopped kitchen floor.

It may happen when you make an ill thought through comment.

It may happen when you buy something frivolous.

It may happen when, you don’t forget to do something you know you should do, you just don’t do it.

It may happen in an extended stare at something you shouldn’t be staring at.

That isn’t to say you can never slip up, never buy something that you enjoy, or don’t take a rest instead of mowing the lawn.  For me it was the realization of how often I don’t do what I am supposed to do and I explain it away.  I don’t allow the Spirit of God to lead me.  I default into my Veruca Salt mentality where I want what I want and “I want it now.”  

So, if I am posing a challenge or at least trying to provoke you to think, I suppose my question to pose is, what is hiding in your heart?  What have you deemed “dead” or checked off your checklist but maybe isn’t fully healed?  If your heart and emotions were a physical ailment like a broken arm, would you only let God heal it part of the way and tell Him that is was good enough?  Or would you want Him to heal it all the way?  Maybe you have been in an abusive relationship previously, maybe someone broke your heart, maybe it was your parents, maybe it was a spouse, it may have been none of those things, but God wants to bring healing to your heart.  

It is amazing to see how many ways a person can be hurt, but even more amazing is that no matter how you are hurt God can bring healing.  You may find in this search that you may even need to seek professional counseling, sometimes it is necessary in this process, but there can be healing.  For me, I just know that some of my actions that I display have a deeper root to my emotions.  I want to be free in every way so that I can be available for God’s use.  I don’t want my past hurts to linger, hurt me, or hinder my availability to what God has for me.  Sure, God could still use me with my hurts (and I believe He has) but it is a great exercise in trust to let Him reveal them, I admit they hurt, confess that, and let Him do the work on me.  

Through Him revealing the roots, He reveals His glory to me in a greater way by healing me.  

I hope that today will be the beginning of a healing process for some of you.

Over-Spiritual Omelets

I enjoy breakfast.

It is my favorite meal of the day, although I have to qualify what I consider breakfast.  Most days I will start off with a bagel, while that is breakfast, it isn’t what I mean when I say, “I love breakfast.”  When I say, “I love breakfast.”  I mean, enjoy a good omelet, toast, meat of some sort, coffee, potatoes, and the works.  I enjoy the food, but when you have a breakfast like that, it breeds wonderful conversations.  Not that a bagel can’t do that for you, but for me to enjoy good food and conversation, man that is an unspeakable joy.  It is almost…spiritual.

At one of my recent breakfast discussion I was discussing, ironically, the concept of something being too spiritualized.  The topic came up in random life discussion and had been presented to him as he was making some judgment calls on decisions.  I had some thoughts and we had some encouraging banter about the matter.  I believe there is a lot of conversation to be had about this topic.

Where does the line exist between spiritual matters and matters that do not have any place for spiritual guidance?  Can we over-spiritualize…anything?  Think about it.

I am not talking about theology from taco’s, however, do I thank God for providing a taco?  Do I eat too many taco’s?  If I eat too many taco’s is that gluttony?  What about my breakfast?  Maybe I should have bagels more often because my breakfasts, if enjoyed too often, can be a liability to my waistline.  Is my self control or lack thereof, reflecting a spiritual matter?  Can what I eat have a spiritual impact?

That is just one example, where does it stop?  

There certainly are perversions to spiritual matters, and that can lead to a tainted form of over spirituality.  Giving up everything to serve a false god is a great form of perverted spirituality.  I dare say, a perverted for of the true God could also lead us down a dangerous path of over-spiritualizing something.

Or is that even over-spiritualizing?  

I mean, over-spiritualizing something that is false does itself have serious spiritual influence, doesn’t it?

This is confusing.

Because I know it is so important for to weigh in on this, note the sarcasm, I have to say it is pretty difficult to over-spiritualize anything.  It may be easy to over-spiritualize if misdirected, however, if we are over-spiritualizing things in truth it may guide us away from being misdirected in the first place.  Rob Bell’s video “Everything is Spiritual” still sends my mind whirling when I think of his vivid and well explained hypothesis of how everything comes back to God.  

We are so one dimensional in our view of who God is, we believe God is this or that because it makes rational sense.  Certainly God is not in my omelet, how could He be?  That would be over-spiritualizing the matter.  However, God is in the conversation that I am having over this omelet that is fueling my body to go about the work of my day.  If I have two omelets that would not be advantageous for my body and would be a sign that I am over indulging in something I should not be and the result would be damaging to my body (especially over a continued amount of time) and would be evidence that there may be something I am lacking in self control, which would be a sign of a spiritual issue.  The conversation I have over these blessed omelet’s is uplifting and gives me opportunity to grow, think, flex, and operate in a way that makes me write blogs for others to read.

I would also like to point out, that bagels can have similar spiritual blessings.  

 The point is this, how can we read Hebrews 11 and see the amazing acts that happen to everyone in that chapter and say that anything is over spiritualized?  How we eat, how we rest, how we don’t rest, how we speak, how we carry our self, how we react, how we blame, how we make decisions, how we create, how we drive, how we…are… is spiritual.  So how well do we do this?  Are we trying to limit God to just certain areas when He deserves more?

Just some thoughts to ponder…

Tomorrow I am going to have a bagel. 

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to you all, I pray that you had a wonderful celebration in your worship of Him today. 

"What a wonderful victory we all may partake in. 

What a victory was bestowed upon us, though so undeserved. 

What a weight so freely, for us, He resigned.

His resurrection institutes our victory, our life, our freedom which He has reserved.

The life He has created access to, for us all to be received.

Will we accept?  Will we ponder, reflect, and remember His sacrifice?

Will we rejoice in, celebrate, and live in victory that we have believed?

Will we live a life that tells that tells others that His sacrifice did not suffice?

May we celebrate His resurrection and life with a life that would reflect

A life worthy of His name, one that brings honor in place of our shame.

I pray there would be no room for others to suspect,

That we live for anything less than the wonder of His name."

Finger Pointing Fatality

***In the following post, I want to say up front that I am not trying to make light of matters that may have happened in the past that may have scarred anyone psychologically.  There are definitely deeper matters that some have faced, my point is to bring out some of the past issues that I have struggled with and have blamed for my current shortcomings and pointing out that if I (personally) am willing to lay my hurts bare before God I know I can receive healing from those events.  I do not want to come across as insensitive to those who have, for example, been a victim of a criminal act.  Thank you.***

“I am this way because of the way I was brought up.”

“I am this way because it is just who I am, if someone doesn’t like it…that’s their problem.”

Have you ever talked to someone and noticed they deflect the blame for their actions to someone else, or some outside influence?

A lot of people have been wronged in their lives.  It is a sad matter as we see it happen more often as the times go on.  I don’t excuse those who have wronged them.  However, I know that I also must confess that I have enjoyed being the victim a little bit.  There are times that being the victim allows me to have a bit of a cushion, I am allowed to “mess up” and have an excuse.  I, personally, have glossed over the hurts and moved on saying I have forgiven.   The reality it is a patch worked version of forgiveness and as a result, a patch work version of healing.  

I point my finger if I am called out on my shortcoming to the event(s) in my past as an excuse for my poor actions now.  

I have moved on, but without actually rooting out the past hurt.  Without rooting it out, I have not experienced a true healing.  Without the true healing, I am trying to move forward into God’s plan for my life without letting Him have all of me.  Therefore I am still trying to move forward in God’s plan’s my way.

That doesn’t work so well.

We can easily look at the story of Jonah in the bible and see that He wanted to do His own thing instead of God’s way.  He wasn’t willing to let go of His desires to accomplish what God desired.  Even at the end of His story in the Bible, he held on to his hate of the people of Nineveh so much that He was completely blind to the work God accomplished in those people.  

So what are we holding on to?

What is it that is killing us but we don’t want to give it up?

For me, I had to sit down and admit that some of the things I had said I had moved on from actually did hurt me.  They did shape me into who I am today, for better or worse.  However, those things that are the “worse” things can be healed, refilled with His Spirit, and turned into beauty for His glory.  That is what I want.  I don’t want to be another fatality due to finger pointing.  At this stage in my life I can sit back and point fingers when I, or someone else, points out my shortcomings, or I can say, “God, I know there is something here in my life that isn’t the best at bringing you honor.  I know the root of it may spring up from a past hurt, but I also know you can heal it.  Let me not be too proud to hold onto it.  Let me not be too fearful of facing the challenge of facing the healing.  Let me be open to Your revealing, to Your healing, to Your guidance, for Your glory.  

It will hurt, and there may be more uncovered than you ever imagined, but the results will leave you in a healthier place with a more fulfilling peace in your heart.  Don’t let pride feed off of your hurt.  Don’t let finger pointing make you a fatality.  Don’t let it kill you in your progress along the journey God has set aside for you.  Moved forward, restored to the fullness of who God has made you to be.  Don’t gloss over a matter that God wants to do something deep and supernatural with.

Cluttered Closet Crusade

After a long hiatus, I have returned.  

I have continued my thinking on various matters…but have lacked the time to formulate it all on paper, or rather…screen.

Recently I have had to do some self evaluation.  I have shared on various accounts in various ways that I often strive to, for lack of better words, “Do better.”  I always want to see more accomplished, I have a plan or believe I hear the voice of God leading me in a direction and I do not walk or ponder on the matter, I just take off in a dead sprint.  This often leaves me in a quandary because I get to the place where I can go no further in that moment and I am frustrated.  I frequently believe I find out the reason why I can go no further and it is seldom my fault, rather someone else isn’t working fast enough or just doesn’t care enough.  “I guess I will just have to deal with it” I tell myself, “You know if it were all up to me, Lord, it would be taken care of.  I will just sit here and wait for the next thing.” 

And shortly, off I go on another crusade.

Pride.

The crusades were based on pride, cutting down innocents on the path for glory.  Not the glory of God, which was the banner they flew under, but the glory of man.  Many of us know this and can easily scoff at the thought of the crusades, and yet how many of us have our own personal crusades that we take off on?  How much to we consult God in the matters of life?  I believe we can come to an understanding that God was not consulted in the crusades, so do we consult God with our personal crusades?  

I have found that my sprinting to get to what I see God doing in my life has fueled an already prideful heart.  I have found that God has gracefully shown me some of the work He has for me, but He alone can prepare my heart and the way to fulfill what He has shown.  

Maybe I have matters that need reconciled in my heart.

Maybe there are matters that I believed were taken care of, but like a child who has been told to brush their teeth before they go outside to play, the job was rushed and carried out in a poor fashion leaving my heart a bit cleaner but not properly dealt with.  I then try to force and carry my ill cleaned heart forward into God’s plans for me when the remaining filth has no place in His plans for me.  Maybe it is time for me to go back and deal with the hurts, pains, and the mess that I so quickly tried to sweep under the carpet. 

I am the child that has hastily cleaned their room by sweeping things under the bed, under the carpet, and into the closets and run outside to meet my friends to play.  The problem is that while I am running to enjoy the time that every child should enjoy, I have been called back to really clean my room as I should have in the first place.  The time is there for me to enjoy, but I can only fully enjoy it if I take care of the cleaning in the proper fashion.  If I do not clean my room properly, I will be limited in my time.  

The funny thing about children hiding things from their parents is that parents seem to find out.  We have it rough because we have an all knowing “Parent.”  It is no use to try and run, it is no use trying to hide.  Live a transparent life, and if we are inadvertently hiding something ask Him to reveal it…

…and mean it.

If we approach in humility and in brokenness, recognizing this amazing God is willing to take time to talk and love on us; He will meet us and reveal the mess that we have (possibly) unintentionally hidden in our hearts. 

I have been called in from running.  

It is time to reassess and clean my room, my heart to be better prepared for whatever it is that God will lead me to do in the future.

Next:  Finger Pointing Fatality