Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Just a Little Sick

*Blind (pt5)*
I have been faced with a challenge in life that makes me wonder if there is something I don’t want to see in my own life.  

I find often what happens when I talk about a matter the same subject that I am talking about comes back to haunt me.  I have been in a bad mood today.  I have been proven not ready for a challenge I face, frustrated by a situation, forgot my keys at a restaurant, tore a hole in my shorts, gotten spaghetti sauce on said shorts at my next meal, missed my workout, rushed to make dinner, went outside to work and let off some steam when my shovel broke (who breaks a shovel?  Honestly.) I also had to study about a matter that I feel overwhelmed, and I am behind on my work.

So why am I writing this instead of working?  I need the therapy.

This whole rotten day had me thinking, somewhere before the shovel breaking and after dinner, what about the day is really that bad?  I am still blessed beyond what I deserve.  I had a shovel to break.  That sounds weird, but I had used that shovel for years before it broke to do all sorts of things.  I can even afford a new shovel.  Many people can’t afford food.  Speaking of food, I had a great dinner, and there were leftovers! 
So why was I in such a foul mood?

I am closing in on being tested in my knowledge of various aspect of the Bible by some people who are vastly more well studied than I am.  

I dislike very much being tested.

I have a poor memory.  I can give you the gist on just about anything, but if you ask me a date in history you might as well be asking a cow for the meaning of life.

Beyond that, I dislike being made the center of attention, being celebrated, or anything of that nature.  I can’t tell you why, but both things bother me and I face the possibility of both.

Why should this ruin my day?

I began to ask myself…is this a sickness? 

Is this stemming from some weird psychological, spiritual, emotional baggage that I carry?  

If it is, do I want to be healed from this?  

I know I would rather make excuses.  I know I would rather run, hide, and just avoid it all…but is this a weakness that I need to face and could this in some way make me more of the man I should be in God’s eyes?

Is that possible?

Testing and celebration?

To me, it seems like I am making a proverbial mountain out of a mole hill, and maybe I am.  Maybe, though, this is exactly what “Blind” is all about in the smallest sense.  If we aren’t willing to accept healing in the smallest things we begin to “deal with” the slightly larger issues ourselves instead of looking for healing.  I may be making a big deal out of nothing…but I want to assess it and run it through the filter to see if there is a weakness that God wants to make strong.  If it is nothing, it is nothing.  If it is something, I pray that I would be willing to be humble enough to learn and grow.

This is a little light, but it makes me wonder, what are our weaknesses that we just let go by the wayside because it isn’t that big of a deal?  What is it that we don’t really want to see?  What don’t we want to take notice of?  Do we need to open up and let healing take place?  What are we afraid of?  Why wouldn’t we want healing?  We can easily read the story (Blind) and see that Paul had an obvious infirmity, but I think I often walk around with a hidden sickness and feel like it is ok because no one sees it.

Sick is sick, whether you see it or not.

Are we sensitive enough to assess our lives transparently and see if there is weakness that can and needs to be dealt with?

I want to leave this open, I want to challenge us all to look deep within ourselves…but greater yet, let the Spirit freely scan you and be aware that there are weaknesses, hurts, spiritual sickness, and who knows what else that He may reveal…so be teachable.

Be heal-able.

Be open.

Life on the healed side is much greater…because we can experience the portrait that God has painted of our life instead of blindly groping at its surface in the hope to experience some small inkling of His blessing. 

Be healed…

“After Jesus returned, he walked along Lake Galilee and then climbed a mountain and took his place, ready to receive visitors. They came, tons of them, bringing along the paraplegic, the blind, the maimed, the mute—all sorts of people in need—and more or less threw them down at Jesus' feet to see what he would do with them. He healed them. When the people saw the mutes speaking, the maimed healthy, the paraplegics walking around, the blind looking around, they were astonished and let everyone know that God was blazingly alive among them.”

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