Abiding

You know, I like to talk about my life lessons on here a lot. Things I have learned or am learning as I take walks, drive around, sit like a lump, or while working. I am sure just like normal people I wonder… why am I here?

So…Why am I here?

What am I supposed to be doing?

Where am I going?

To be honest, I don’t have an answer. Sorry to disappoint. What I have come up with…at least I think…is how we go about waiting to find out the answers to those questions.

I started thinking about the word “Abide”, it actually comes up quite a bit when you are reading. Think about what abiding means. The dictionary says it means to remain, to continue, to stay. Doesn’t that sound like what we are doing here? I mean we are abiding here on this earth; we’re kind of waiting for the next step, kind of wondering where we are going. If we were to look at the ancient Greek, the definition wouldn’t change much. It still means to wait, to not depart, and to endure. However, it also means to await or await someone.

So what? Where are you going?

I know, I know, we’ll get there hold on.

You see in ancient Israel, which is why I bring up the Greek (because a lot of the Jewish history is recorded in Hebrew and Greek) the custom went something like this. Two fathers would come together, one who had a daughter and another who had a son…get where this is going? The father of the son offered a dowry to the father of the daughter, if accepted they would have a huge party with both sides of the family, friends, etc. At this party they would…well…party, and at some point in the evening when the boy had worked up the courage to walk across the room he would. He would walk over with a cup with wine and set it in front of the girl who had the dowry paid to her father. When the cup was placed in front of her, she had the choice to drink the cup or to reject the cup.

MAN this is dripping with imagery.

If she accepted the cup, the boy would say in an almost verbatim speech that almost every young man would say if accepted, “I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to myself; that where I am, there you may also be.” He would leave after the party and go to his father’s house and either build on to his fathers house or build somewhere on his fathers’ property. He would take about a year to do so, and at some point after about a year, but only when the father gave the go ahead, only the father (Grooms) could give the go ahead. The Groom-to-be would go to the Bride- to-be and say basically “HEY, it’s time.” And if I have the custom right, she had better be good and ready!
You may ask, “Well, what would happen if her bridesmaids weren’t ready?” Actually, if anyone came to the ceremony late, like after the doors had closed, they didn’t get in and missed the whole thing. Even if they had been waiting for a LONG time…they were left out.

So what!?!?!

Well here we go, you see I look at us as the bride, we are here and we have accepted the cup if you will. However, in this time we have a groom that is preparing something bigger and better for us. It is up to us to use this time wisely. So what are we supposed to do? Well, we may not know the details, but there are certain “duh” things we know we are supposed to do. A bride knows that when she is to be married, she needs to get a dress, a hall, bridesmaids, their dresses organized, and so many other things. She ABIDES in the understanding that she is taken, she is no longer her own but she is given to someone else. When you become engaged you don’t go out dating someone else, you are somebody’s spouse-to-be. There are certain responsibilities that go with abiding in the engagement period.

My proposal is that we are in the abiding stage even now. We know some of the basics, the “duh” things we are supposed to do, and so we should do them to the best of our abilities. As we do that and communicate, connect, and concede our desires to the desires of our Groom, we will assuredly get some of the guidance we have longed for.

I guess my question then is, how are you abiding? Are you abiding in a way that would please your groom? I have found myself to be a poorly abiding person.

So ponders the simpleMan.

Poverty

It’s defined as the state or condition of having little or no money, goods, or means of support; condition of being poor; indigence; insufficiency.

“Are you willing to live in poverty?”

That’s the question I was asked yesterday, I have been wrestling with it every since.

I got up early yesterday @ 6 am to try to get on a schedule for walking, I walked in the fall/early winter & really enjoyed it. I found I had time to clear my head, think about some things & talk with God about some things. My enjoyment, coupled with my expanding waist, inspired me to start walking at the sacrifice of one of my most favorite things…SLEEP!


So I am half asleep, since I am not a morning person, & Denise was leaving at the same time & as I am walking out the door, I open the door & it seemed almost audible…

“Adam, are you willing to live in poverty?”

For those of you who know me, & my past, how I lived & where I have come from…you know I don’t take a question like that lightly.

So...what if?

What if He called me to poverty? What if what I was called to caused me to live in poverty? What if I was to lead my family down that road? Why would He call ME to that? Isn’t someone else willing? Are You serious? Why am I not willing? What’s wrong with me? Should I even be struggling with this? Or should I be “that guy” who just goes & sells all he has to give to the poor…but in the process wouldn’t that make me the poor? Or was He talking about physical poverty at all in that passage? I want to say, “Yes”, but would I REALLY mean it? I don’t want to answer in a way that just kind of snuffs the issue.

As I wrestled with all of that…the second question came…

“Why are you so willing to live in spiritual poverty then?”

Why is it so easy for me to settle? Why am I ok with taking my time seeking the spiritual things of this life? Why am I so anxious to find a better future & set goals for myself in the physical sense, but spiritually…what are my goals? Do I even have any? If so…

Are they big enough?

What do I mean by, “Are they big enough?” So many people are ok with saying what they believe & really that is the depth to their faith. From there, there is no depth to their seeking in the deep things of the faith. Not only that, but when someone is comfortable in the faith, what we need to understand is that we are sliding toward poverty. Think about it, poverty is the state or condition of having little or no money, goods, or means of support; condition of being poor; indigence (Or destitution); insufficiency. If we walk through this life, or our faith, having no support, no “faith” currency to obtain any spiritual goods, & we are taking in an insufficient amount of “Bread” (so to speak) what does that mean?

We are in spiritual poverty.

I read, I pray, I do all the “good” things I am supposed to do. So, how can I be in poverty? Because, I am destitute in reaching the goals I am called to, what I am taking in is insufficient to get me to those goals, I have very little to support me to get to those goals, I could go on & on. One person’s poverty is another person’s riches, & we must realize that we are not all called to be the same carbon copy, cookie cutter person. We all have different goals, have different callings, and have different…wiring. My point is that maybe what I do to reach my goals and what I am called to is riches to one person, but is another person’s poverty.

So, what are you called to?

Where are you in all of this?

Do you know what you’re personally called to? You don’t necessarily have to KNOW. I don’t know fully, but are you seeking?

So wrestles the Simpleman.

A Simpleman's Simple Mind Working Overtime.

Recently I have been struggling.

I mean it.

I have had a lot of things going on in my hamster wheel powered brain recently. With all the things going on in life, the thing I have been thinking about…well actually there are two things.

First, "the things I love…I can't convince you of." Those are lyrics from a Derek Webb song, & every since I heard them…I can't get them out of my head. I really don't go into great detail on here about a lot of my passions, my hearts cry, the things that makes me ache inside…have you ever wanted something so bad you absolutely ached for it?

I am not talking about wanting a stick of gum here…

I mean your insides seem to quiver at the sheer thought of (fill in the blank) happening, & yet it seems (at times) so far away. There are a lot of things, right now, that I am starting to feel very distant from, some of those things I feel like I am getting much closer to…some seems like I would have to swim the Pacific & walk across China to get to.

Now…

Imagine feeling so passionate about something, so driven, so hungry & not being able to have people sharing in that with you? Denise & I feel the same, & maybe a few others…but from there, if I share…it's almost like trying to convince someone of what I (personally) love… your closest friends, those whom you love, so many you care for...

...and maybe it was even your friends themselves.

It's kind of like convincing someone you are worthy of being married to.

Imagine me bartering with Denise before we got married. Trying to convince her that it was a good idea. First, if you know me, you know I wouldn't do that. If anything went wrong she would resent me, & what would become of our relationship if I couldn't fulfill all the things I bartered with? So, my point is what good is a convinced relationship as opposed to a true heart-felt, inside, guttural desire relationship?

I guess what it comes down to is, does my life make people want that true heart-felt, inside, guttural desire for the things I love & have that true heart-felt, inside, guttural desire that I have? That is a hard question to swallow, because what I see is a resounding, "No"… does that mean I have that true heart-felt, inside, guttural desire? I believe so…so what is going on?



This leads me to the second part.. When I started speaking, I had so many people tell me that there was something special there. I have no clue what it was, honestly. I have people that I am in contact with ministry-wise, just love to be around both Denise & I. Once again, I have no idea why…at least on my part. I still have people say there are big things in store for you, big, big things…& that is a nice stroke to the ego…but what does that mean? How far away am I? Could you translate "big" for me? I mean, what am I looking for here?

If there is something big, why do I feel so small? If small is big, then what effect is there on the populace? Isn't that the impact necessary? Why do I feel so far off the course? Why can't I find a map I can read? Why is there no outlet I can plug into? Why am I so frustrated about all of this? Does this happen to anyone else?

Man, I am weak.

A feeble man with a direction few understand.

Ahh sweet Sovereignty… to follow & understand Sovereignty…as a small, finite-minded, simpleton…truly a vain pondering.

So ponders the simpleMan…

So rambles the simpleMan.

Rearview Mirror (Black Version)

Have you ever set a goal? You know, you wanted to achieve something so you set up a goal, and maybe even set up steps to get to that goal? Maybe it was to save some money, maybe buy a CD, car, TV, or Christmas presents. Maybe you are like me and you're trying to lose some weight. You may have even decided to read a book, write a book, write a blog, …whatever. I think we all have had SOMETHING we have made a goal for, and if not, you may want to talk to somebody about that.

When we set goals, how do we normally go about doing that? I was talking this past week and said, "It is best to start towards something having your destination in mind." I say that because it is easier to know what steps to make by having the goal, or destination in mind and knowing what you are shooting for.

So let me ask you a question.

Have you ever set a goal to the past?

Does that make sense?

For example, my goal (now) is to lose 15 pounds last year! It doesn't make sense does it?

Where are you going with this simpleman? My point is that sometimes we get so worked up about what we have already done (Or what someone has done to us) that sometimes it hinders us moving forward. Someone hurt me, which I do not mean to make light of, but am I willing to let that ruin my life or the lives of those close and dear to me? Am I willing to let that make me ineffective at life, love, friendships, and so on? I can name a number of people I think that struggle with this…

And I have too.

However when we come to the realization that our life is not in the actions of our past but in our seeking out whom we were designed to be. If you think of a traumatic event of your past, and we more than likely have all had them, how does that traumatic event affect your future goals? I am not asking how it shapes you as a person, or if has an affect on your future…because those types of events shape who we are and continually shape us…what I am asking is…does that event(s) cripple the "ideal" you that you have set as a goal for yourself? Think about it. How many people rush into a second or third marriage without moving on from the hurt and pain of the first? How does that translate to their next marriage? They carry the baggage from the first right in the front door of the second.

So what? What is your point?

My point is, if you are seeking to be the person you feel you were designed to be, let the past form and shape you but do not let it rule you. If your past rules you, you will be stuck in the past for your whole time here on this planet. We cannot function like that as an organization, family, friends, or even in our own personal life.

So…

…what is it?

What hurts you?

What slows your progression to the real you?

It may help to get it out and talk to someone about it, write it out maybe, it may help. There may be no quick fix or quick answer…but sometimes sharing just gets it out of there. Strive to be the person you have set the goal for yourself to be…don't get stuck as the person on the past, let the past form you and make you stronger…but don't get stuck there.

May you, when you look in the rearview mirror, see that you are driving away from those events with the memory firmly in your mind, but not sitting there staring at it and letting it eat away at you. May you remember those events but not be crippled by them. May you strive to become all that you are supposed to, and may you help others do so along the way.

So says the simpleMan

Kudos & Futile Mutilations (Based on myspace blogging)

It's funny; I have tried to start working on this like three times now. Maybe this will work…if not I have to change three to four & try again. Kristen said a while ago, "BTW - what the heck is with this "kudos" thing? What - does everyone now require some kind of gratification for every post that we have a build in system for giving a "pat on the back"? Sad..." You know I would normally say, "I agree!" But then I started thinking…& while I do agree that it is "sad", do I really act out what I would have been saying? You know what I mean? Basically what I am saying is, Kristen is right…& I agree verbally…but sometimes, if I am being honest (shamefully so), I like the ego stroke.

So what can I do?

Well, let's think about this. Is that my motivation? You know to get my "kudos"? Sure I like kudos, (I especially liked the granola bars that were called Kudos…MAN those were good)…& sure I get that welling feeling inside when I get MY kudos (you know because I deserve them), but if that is my motivation & it is what makes me write more blogs (for example) what happens when my next two or three or twelve are flops & I get NO comments or kudos? I burn out & stop writing blogs maybe forever.

HEAVEN FORBID!

You know, I think Kristen has a point. How many people in this world base their motivations & actions on "kudos"? I have done it before, & to be honest…I have gotten to a place where kudos don't mean everything to me. Sure it is nice, & it is nice to give people their "kudos" when they do something good…I am just looking at the motivation. Why do something just because it will meet someone's approval. I was reading yesterday, & do you know in the ancient town of Philippi men were getting circumcised because they thought that gave them religious rights.

Think about that…but not for too long…

They were cutting off parts of their…OUCH…so they would be "approved" & get "kudos", they actually called these futile mutilations because it didn't get them any further in life or what they were seeking...and neither do kudos. Seems like this mindset has been around for a while. Grown men. Wow. Why is acceptance so important? Think about how our society is set up, & apparently it was set up in ancient Philippi. We are accepted into peer groups, cliques, certain schools (including pre-school), college, jobs, relationships, & now days even parental relationships in some cases, & the list could go on & on. Acceptance is important, but if you are not accepted, does that change who you are created to be?

I can honestly say, I have been rejected at every level that I mentioned. I have become more accepted as time has gone on & people have come into my path, or maybe I stumbled upon theirs, whichever. The point is acceptance (or kudos) doesn't always come as you want it, or when you want it, but it will come…if you do not have that as your priority. Because if you do have that as your priority, it will eat away at you when you don't get it & degenerate who you are designed to be. You can't base all of who you are on kudos.

Seek to give kudos; do not seek to receive kudos. Ask yourself how good you are at accepting sometimes, you may find hypocrisy. No, really, I say that because I have found some hiding there from time to time.

I really appreciate that Kristen bringing this up. She's a smart girl, & she is strong enough not to lose herself in the "kudos" of life, & it's a good thing, because she doesn't get the kudos she deserves sometimes. Thanks Kristen, Kudos to you!

Now, all of you, shower me in your kudos! If you do not, I shall no longer grace you with the wisdom of Simpleman & I will move to Philippi!

So says the Simpleman.

(Sidenote: Think about the whole basis of the movie "Accepted")

Thirsty Waiters (pt.2)

First off, don't forget this is a continuation of last time.

You know…as we were talking about waiters, thirsty waiters for that matter, I began to re-read what I had already written. I began to really try to evaluate how "on target" I was. While I feel I was getting at something, I think we have to look a little deeper, because if we don't we may miss the point…or maybe just I would miss the point.

So here we go…

The world is full of "patrons", people who come and go as they please. Just like our friends they come and go, they sit, they stay, and do what patrons/friends do. I guess I am trying to view myself as that thirsty waiter. What I mean is, think about a waiter that comes up…you know like I mentioned…all out of whack and thirsty and…basically just a mess. How do you feel about that? You would probably have something to say to everyone around you about what a mess they were.

So what kind of waiter am I?

I am sitting here thinking…as a waiter, am I good at this? Do I give good service to the patrons around me? I have to be honest…I am no good at this. I am getting better, and I have come a long way, but I am so far from good.

An inexperienced waiter struggles and fumbles and makes mistakes lot of the time and that is understandable. I have been a "waiter" for a while now, and I find myself hiding from the patrons at times. I get so caught up in the "kitchen" that I don't do too well with the patrons, which should be my focus. Sometimes I find patrons I really like and just wait around till they come again, while other patrons should be getting my service. I bicker with other waiters. I am a bad waiter.

What does this have to do with thirst? Well that is the other issue, isn't it? Think about what I just mentioned in the above paragraph…did it involve anything that was healthy for me? See it is easy to get very removed from the patrons, but it is also very easy to get removed from…

You.

If that happens what do you really have to offer the patrons? What do you have to offer anyone? Sometimes the best way to reach out to patrons is to make sure you are ok. There is a line where the break must be made…and that is where discernment comes in. We need both.

I can't tell you how often people I come in contact with want me to go here or go there to talk to someone about something that they need me to take care of their patrons. I don't mind, and I understand in some cases that it is better coming from another "waiter." However, if I am constantly doing this…doesn't it mean there is a problem? Certain situation call for more experienced waiters…and some things even the busboy can take care of.

So to wrap this up…are you a thirsty waiter? What are you offering the patrons that come to you? What can you offer them? What do they get when you are around? Are you frazzled? Complaining? Irritable? Is that what we are serving in the "Kitchen"? Why would anyone want to come back? Maybe it's time we get a drink!

Think about it.

I know I have a long way to go…cus I still find myself a thirsty waiter far too often.

So says the Simpleman.

Thirsty Waiters (pt. 1)

Why are relationships important? Ever wonder why we long for relationships? I am not saying you sit at home and LONG for a relationship…I am saying if someone walked up to you and struck you the right way in conversation, you would be a slight bit (if not more) happier if someone did that to you. Unless there is an issue (which all who know me, KNOW I have issues.

And issues…

And yes...

More issues.

You would be way more receptive if you saw that person walking up to you to talk again.

Why?

Because we love the idea of having a friend, and if it is someone of the opposite sex and they appear to not be …how shall I say…of a stalker stock, and you are available…think of the feeling you get.

Why?

We seek relationships. Granted there are skeptical people out there, who it takes a LOT longer to break down the walls if someone comes and starts a conversation with them. Here also are quite a few that if you walked up to them and started a conversation, or even if you just asked, "How are you doing today?" Would think, "FREAK!" How bad is that really?

Have you ever messed around with your waiter/waitress (in the sense of just goofing off, don't go make out with your next waiter/waitress after this…unless your married to one, then by all means) I am surprised by how many "days" have been made just by asking them how they were doing and listening…granted sometimes they are busy and that isn't the best time to ask…but on slow nights, many times (not always) they are waiting to be listened to…why? Because they listen or ask people questions all day, imagine if you were in a place where you had to fill peoples water glasses, but the only way you got to take a drink was if someone else filled a glass for you (you could not fill one for yourself) think about filling people water glasses all day and never getting a drink yourself. You are around water all day…and yet you are dying of thirst…that is what so many people's lives are like.

Sometimes the waiter/waitress are "those" people, and sometimes I feel like the thirsty waiter. I would love to say, "When I feel like the waiter, I just keep pouring." You know, cus I am SOO righteous. However, really…you know when I am honest…when I am thirsty I first try to look at how good I am at filling others glasses, and I am not really very good at that at all. In fact, I dare say…if I was your water-filling waiter, I don't deserve a tip. I don't deserve a refill.

...To Be Continued...