Monday, November 15, 2010

A Missed Desperation

Have you ever gotten caught doing something you know you shouldn’t be doing? It may have been going on for a long time and you know you shouldn’t be doing it, but still, it happens. I used to cheat, and I used to do that a lot. I found it easier to cheat than to do all the work involved with passing. I have gotten caught a few times, but all in all I was a cheat. I also lied a lot, not about everything or about anything extravagant, I lied when I felt like the truth would make me look bad. I would continue to lie until I couldn’t keep it up and I was caught. All of a sudden a rush came over me, a strong desire to go back in the past and do it all over again. I was sorry, for being caught and for what I had done.

It was never my intention to hurt anyone. It was never my intention to draw anyone into my decision…but it happened. I had a desperation about me that I wished I could make it all back to normal. A desperate seeking back to the intentions I did have, of just experiencing the normal.

Spiritually speaking, I have noticed recently there is a lot of this going on. This desperation to get back to the way things should be as opposed to where it actually is. We have all the right intentions, but intentions don’t necessarily dictate destination. That is to say, our destination is, and this cannot be argued, where we end up. It is law, it is unbreakable, and it is final. The “Principle of the Path” by Andy Stanley is summed up like this, “direction (not intentions) lead to destination.” It seems so simple, yet, it is a law we do not pay much attention to.

Desperation often doesn’t hit us until it is too late. I have been seeking a consistent desperation for the life that I feel led to live. Why? Because I don’t want to end up being eighty and not reaching any goals or accomplishments that have been set aside for me to accomplish. Good intentions, intentions to reach those goals are great, but they won’t accomplish what God has set aside for me. So there I would be, eighty, desperately wishing I could take it back and could re-do it all and fix what I knew I should be doing, but didn’t.

Desperation isn’t a bad thing; it gets a bad name because of the way it is often used in language. When we become less desperate about accomplishing the things of this world or about trying to figure out how to get out of the slavery that can come from the things of this world and more desperate about accomplishing what God wants, we can see that there is beauty in desperation.

Instead, I want to lay my life down, let God show me the correct direction and follow it. This allows me to focus on the things that matter and all the things that would cause me to be distracted and pull me away into the “good intention” area of life lose their power over me. I weigh them in light of the known goal and realize they would leave me in want. I want what He has for me; I want to be desperate for that. I want to be eighty, sitting back, not with pride, but continuing to chase goals.

**I write this with some deep sorrow in my heart, I have been brought to a place where I have seen far too many of my friends lose themselves in their intentions. From that they have very little bearing or direction, this makes it much easier for them to become completely dislocated from the truth, and tumble headlong into a destructive lifestyle. My hope is to see restoration, but even in that, there must be clear, Spirit led direction.

Blessings to you.

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