Old Yoda had it right. Inner fear led to outward anger affecting many, which led to hatred that separated me from others that cared which led to suffering.
Sadly, this is the legacy that was handed down to me. It is a generational thing in my family. It is easy for me to go down this path, less so now, but only because I have taken on a new legacy.
I thank God often for this deliverance, because I do not like myself when I am in that state of mind. This new legacy has led me on a journey that is full of peace due to an understanding that there is much more going on that what is seen. Anger, hatred, rage is often reactionary to a surface issue. Don’t get me wrong, there are deep roots often due to past hurts, but setting off that anger may not take very much. I am sure we have all experienced someone blowing up because of a small issue, but that happens because they have had a bad day due to something deeper happening earlier. The blow up was reactionary from a surface issue but reflects the deeper pain.
Anger and the fruit thereof, are reactionary to a deeper pain.
I say all of that to explain a deeper matter. Yesterday, for the first time in quite a while, I felt the rage again. It was all together different though. Yesterday, I heard news of another friend of mine stumbling in a way that was so hurtful and destructive that it is devastating to many. I have recently struggled in knowing there have been spiritual attacks against me, but I kind of just keep plodding through that. This situation set me off; I have known my friend for years and saw the danger and the draw of potential peril. I assumed it was a struggle but it was being taken care of. I heard the news, and I felt very normal, then I sat back and began to see how this attack from our enemy began to slowly break down my friend.
I got very pissed.
Initially I wanted to just mope around about this, but then I saw my friend wearing down from these attacks and I felt a new rage building inside of me.
I hate sin, I hate it. I struggle with it, I have it in my life, but I hate it. I have such a new hatred for it that I want to have a search and destroy mission in my life. I hate that it hinders my growth, I hate that it distracts me, I hate that it has attached itself to me and I have, often, willingly let it. I hate what it has done to my friend and the others that are involved.
Sin, I hate you.
I wonder in my ranting, have we as Christians lost this hate for sin? Is it an annoyance? Is it bothersome? Is it something we know we have to put up with so it isn’t a big deal? Can you see the attack of the enemy? Can you see how he subtly lets it creep into our life? Can you see how he gets his foot in the door, so to speak, and the slowly opens the door to more compromise? Do you see this slippery slope? The enemy has been doing this for centuries and for years to me, and I am sick of it.
Today, I would ask you to take inventory. Are there things in our life, sins, that should have no place in our heart, but we have made a place for it because it is just our “pet” struggle? Do we lay out a pillow and blanket on our heart for it to have a place? “Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” Let us not forget what loving the things of this world does to our relationship with God. I know this is heavier than normal for me, but bear with me, I believe there is a matter we as believers must tend to. I make no excuses for my friend, I love them dearly, but I know I want to learn from this. I believe he allowed this to creep into their heart and life, this has been a wake up call for me and so that is why I pass it along to you.
God’s peace to you all, I beg you for your prayers for my friend.