I am struggling a bit recently; no this isn’t going to be a woe is me story, but rather just an open entry from the things going on in my mind. I struggle with the concept of what we are called to do verses the responsibility that we are called to as well and the constant battle that seems to ensue. We are called to help those who are hopeless, hungry, the widow, the oppressed, the hurting, and those who cannot help themselves. This can be an overwhelming task, and I am not suggesting that one person should do it all. What I am questioning is, how does a person maintain the responsibilities that they have (whether they are good, or bad but have been made in the past and they must continue on in them) and still make an impact in the world?
I have this hunger to do more to help others, but when I sit back and look at my schedule, I wonder where can I jam something else? Financially speaking, I am not poor by any means (especially from the world’s standards) but I want to do more than just throw money at a situation. Some of the things my money is spoken for bothers me as well. Time and money are some of my most valuable commodities, and sure I waste some of both periodically. I just want more, and for some reason believe I can be more responsible with the excess than I have been in the past.
Now, having said that, what if what I want to (or feel led to) doesn’t line up completely with my situation at all? How does that work? If we look at Biblical Christianity, people sold all sorts of their belongings to take care of the needs of others. I recently heard a speaker say that he wanted the story of his life to be able to fit into the Bible. If I think of anything of that nature for myself, I don’t see my life being very extraordinary nor really fitting in the Bible. I haven’t suffered, I haven’t sacrificed, I haven’t walked out in faith as so many of them have. If you know me, you may sit and think of situations that you could say, “I have seen you sacrifice, I have seen you suffer, I have seen you walk out in faith.” But I ask, has it been of Biblical proportions? Because that is what I am hungry for.
I want my life, once it is all said and done to be beautiful, I want it to be a masterpiece lived out as the Master artist wanted it to be. I want it to be genius. I have a blessed life, I really do, I have so much going for me right now that my life is actually something I am not sure I could have imagined for myself about twelve to fifteen years ago. However, I wonder if I have accomplished these things and become happier with the things as opposed to what God truly wants from me. I don’t need the big name, the popularity, the shock and awe factor, I just want to do what He wants.
So for those of you who may pray for me, this is where I am. I am a man that has so much, but wonders if I should have so much. I am a man that longs to help those in this world that cannot help themselves. I am a man that is blessed and yet sees those who need a blessing and I, many times, have no idea how to bless them. I know the Truth, but at times feel inept to carry it out. I am a clumsy Christian that is longing to move with the swiftness that His Spirit can give me. I want to have the wisdom that comes from God to navigate through the responsibilities that I have and the directions He leads me towards to reach out to the poor, the prisoner, the blind, and the oppressed.